Saturday, July 2, 2011

Thief of my Heart, Dachshund Love, Paintings


  A short funny story about a punishment doled out by two dachshund pups'  to their owners. by Julie Koski

       Short End of the Bic

           We expected the worse. On our way home we joked about what sort of destruction we faced as a form of punishment for having abandoned the two of them for the evening. In the past Rain would dole the punishment out to Dad and Wolf out to Mom. It was evident who did what and to whom because of our dachshund pup's varied tastes in items enjoyed and destroyed and to which one of us by who's chosen bed fellow we were. And to the world our punishments were made evident; My husband parading around in ink stained clothes, toeless socks and dirty gum splotches on his derriere and for me a yard near daily decorated with brightly colored scat, mostly panties but also precious sewing fabrics and of course abused shoes.  WIthout a doubt each punishment was painfully felt.

            We greeted the wildly excited pups and cautiously looked around our home. Enlarged smiles and with pride in our hearts to find no immediate damages to house or stuff made. We lavished them with praises. It was not until we got into the bedroom that we saw our absences indeed were greatly missed and with trepidation approached the disheveled bed where upon I found a sole shoe twisted up in the bedding and on my side of the bed. There was no apparent punishment from Rain left for my Husband. This pleased my husband something fierce and due to some strange competitive game we play my husband spends a little time gloating how well behaved his Rain is and gleeful over my punishment. I took it somewhat gracefully but not without reminding him of how badly he had gotten it from her in the past. Finely exhausted, we slip into bed thanking our lucky stars we had avoided the worse.

          About three A.M. I awaken to my husband yelling in pain, "Oh, my ass, my ass! Theres something horribly wrong down there!". I'm startled, panicking and without my glasses on I quickly rip the bedding back and look at his back side and see nothing.

                 "Where sweetie, what is it. I don't see anything"?

                  " No, in there, in my crack, the pain!!!!". 

          Okay. I quickly spread his buns. What I see is like some nightmare. I can't believe my eyes. What is it? What Am I looking at? It looks like silk webbing or cotton stretched from cheek to cheek covering his crack with something white sticking out of the web like mess. I try to focus in the dim light and without my glasses. My heart is beating fast and I'm truly scared and say to my husband in as calm a voice as I can, " I don't know what is going on, I think we are going to have to take you to the emergency room". 

                 "Why",  the tension in his voice whines out, " Why"?

          With hesitation I begin again as calm as possible, "What I see is", choosing my words carefully, " What it looks like is", slowly I say, "Maybe an infection" , hesitation again "Maybe thrush". 

                " WHAT"? His voice boomed. 

         Nervous, "I don't know"! Even more nervous now I deliver the final uncertain ugly detail, " And perhaps a piece of tailbone sticking out". 

         I hear my husband's muffled voice speak into the pillow, "Oh my God". 

         I really can't believe my eyes, it's like something out of an Alien film. I keep trying to focus as I hold his buns apart leaning in and pulling away, leaning in and pulling away trying to focus. My mind reels with scary movie images. It's like some alien insect cocoon nested in my husband's crack! In my dizzy dream like hazy feeling I wonder, Is this for real? It looks so unbelievably bad. My poor Hubby!!!! Well, upon my leaning in to get a closer look I catch the scent of mint. This time I lean in and sniff the unsightly infection and clearly it has the scent of minty fresh spearmint. 

                "Why does your butt smell minty"? I ask my husband. 

                " Huh"?
          Sniff, sniff, "Yes, minty"!  ….."Okay, hold on, let me touch it". 
          He lifts his head from the pillow and says, "Okay, but be careful". 

          Once I touch it, it's obvious, "Oh, for Peet's sake, it's gum", I exclaim with relief!

                " What"? 

          I start to remove the gum all the while my husband wincing as his hairs are being pulled with the removal of the gum and dislodging the piece of we don't know yet what from deep in there. "Ah, there now" ! Victorious I hold up the the evil bone like shard intruder, still removing bits of gum from it. Grabbing my glasses and switching the bedroom light on we peer in and closely examine the mysterious white flake. It is still unclear as to what it is until I notice that my husband also has blue bruises on his hip and cheeks and as well the bottom sheet.  Almost at once and at the same time we knew exactly what it was. To our dismay, the bit of evil is a piece of Bic pen chewed flat. And upon closer inspection of Rain we see her muzzle is also inked.

        Teasing my husband I pat and kiss on Rain saying, " Who loves her Daddy Bones".

       -Julie Koski

Each glance of everyone of them, steals my heart away.  Peanut, the character in this watercolor is a nuzzle kisser. Where he learned the art of gentile, non obtrusive kissing is beyond me. He is unique in the way he nuzzle kisses. I think he came out of the womb as a secure individual, creative and knowing exactly how and who he wanted to be in life. Loving Peanut!

Little Lotus, the only girl pup out of the litter. My husband named her Lotus Pod (his choice completely surprised me). She loves her name and she is my shadow. Me and lotus are tight!

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